Conflict is not the problem. The repair after conflict is what determines whether the relationship gets stronger or stays stuck.
Cool the body first
The conversation that resolves the conflict cannot happen while either nervous system is in fight or flight. A short break (twenty minutes minimum) is not avoidance; it is the precondition for actual repair.
Lead with your own experience
Start with what happened for you, not what you think happened for them. "When that happened, I felt... " beats "You always... " every time.
Listen to understand, not to respond
Reflect back what you heard before adding your own piece. Not because the technique is magic, but because feeling heard lowers the temperature of the next sentence.
Name the pattern, not just the moment
Most conflicts are not about the surface event. The pattern underneath (a recurring sense of being unseen, a recurring sense of being controlled) is the real work.
Repair, not winning
The goal is not to figure out who was right. The goal is to leave the conversation closer than you started it.